I like death metal. And I really like Polish death metal bands like Vader and Decapitated. So in theory I should like Behemoth. Alas, this is not the case. Behemoth is a Polish DM band that has been recommended to me many a time, and yet, I can't like them. And I've tried... lord knows I've tried.
My first foray into Behemoth was a bit misguided, and I wound up taking a listen to their earlier black metal album, Grom. This was a bad idea, becuase Grom is so bad it's funny. I was literally laughing out loud while listening to this album. It starts off on a relatively serious and grim note, with suitably grim vocals. Towards the end of the album, things get silly. How silly, I hear you ask. Rising Proudly Towards The Sky (the title itself amuses the living daylights out of me) has the most absurd clear singing I have heard, ever. I sing better. A cat dying of some wasting disease sounds better. And you can hear that the singer believes that he is pouring his heart and soul into this, which makes it so much more amusing. So, Behemoth left me unimpressed, though more cheerful than I had been in days
After a few more "You really should try Behemoth" statements from death metal nerds, I dived into Behemoth again. This time I was slightly more informed, and opted to try Demigod, a death metal masterpiece. Eeeeh, not really. Decapitated do the technical aspect better, Vader do the fun aspect better, there really is nothing inspired about Demigod. So, feeling like a failure, I decided to give up on Behemoth.
Well, until late last year. When Behemoth released The Apostasy. And my god, did that album get good reviews. Apparently, The Apostasy is the second coming of Christ. So, wondering whether it was me that was broken, I gave Behemoth my third attempt. Eeeeeh. The Apostasy gets a resounding "MEH" from me.
Something with Behemoth does not click. Maybe it is me. Maybe I cannot comprehend the awesome that is Behemoth. But every single album that the band has release has dripped with pretension. They're not that technically proficient, and they're really not that good. I can't place exactly why they're not that good, they're just not. I have a theory that it's the vocals. The vocals put me off Grom, and every album since then has had generic death growls. Which is fine, and bands like Decapitated can get away with it, but Behemoth remind me of a cream puff; it looks good, it tastes good, but in the end, your life is not enriched by eating it.
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